Acer Aspire S3 – Battery swap

In September 2013, I bought an Acer Aspire S3. Why? Because it was on sale for a really good price. When I can avoid it, I won’t ever pay laptops full price. The downsides were a 1366×768 resolution screen, soldered-on RAM and a built-in battery. Manufacturing date says November 2012, so at that point the battery was already about a year old.  Yes, even unused batteries degrade.

Fast forward to December 2015.  The battery really is getting low on capacity.  It barely holds an hour for light surfing.  So, the time has come to try to replace the battery.  Here are the statistics of the original battery:

Battery statistics of the Acer Aspire S3, before battery replacement

Battery statistics of the Acer Aspire S3, before battery replacement

My favourite battery supplier is duracelldirect.eu, as the prices are reasonable, the delivery is very quick and they regularly send newsletters giving you codes for 10% off (or more, but mostly 10%).  So basically, when I need a new battery, I just wait until I get such a code.  Why pay full price, right?  With coupon, I got the battery for 66,14€, including VAT, including delivery. Here is what a new battery looks like for the S3.  Exotic, I admit.

While the S3 didn’t look all hard to open up, and was pretty much akin to the infamous ThaiBook with regards to screws, I did do some research.  I found a youtube video by Sunderland Computer Repairs with detailed instructions, giving me confidence I could do it on my own. It really was as easy as described. For an Ultrabook, the repair-ability is great.  Obviously, just having a user-replaceable battery would be better.  Actually, in some sense the repair-ability is better than my Dell XPS L502x, because if you want access to the hard disk in that one, you have to be prepared for quite some pain.  The battery is user replaceable on the Dell, though.

The battery statistics after the swap:

Battery statistics of the Acer Aspire S3, after battery replacement

Battery statistics of the Acer Aspire S3, after battery replacement

Good for another two years, I say…

I also was happy to see that the SSD is exchangeable.  The reports on the Internet were mixed regarding this.  For some it’s soldered-on, for some not.  I’m apparently one of the lucky ones.  That said, the 20GB SSD is more than sufficient to hold my operating system.

The end of an era

DNX to CNL

The end of an era


Today, I officially handed in my notice at DNX Network sàrl. My notice period extends until 29th of February 2016, which makes my time at DNX Network my longest held job in my career, with a full seven years. The decision to take the other job offer wasn’t easy, because I like my job, the atmosphere at the office was generally great, and I have great colleagues. It’s mainly because of them that I hesitated and had a though few nights. As I have said in other departures: I don’t work for companies, I work with people. So, yes, I worked with great people like Jeroen (the worst company website in history) and Pieter, both extraordinary system and network engineers which I couldn’t match ever, if I wanted to. I feel bad leaving them with an added workload and on-call duty.

Now, if you’re happy at your job, you don’t look actively for a job, right? Well, kinda, but kinda not. I have checked my archives, and it turns out that in the last year I sent out exactly three applications and have responded to no head-hunter inquiries. I’d say, that’s not exactly the behaviour of someone itching to leave.
Interestingly, the first two of those three where shortly after performance reviews that basically said: “You’re doing your job fine, but, nah, no extra money”. That would be five years in a row, it kinda gets old. Oh, I’m not the only one, from what I heard: it’s the same for everyone at the peon level.

The three applications have something in common, namely the institution I sent them to: The Luxembourgian State. I hear you say: the state? Job security, good pensions, but bad pay! Well, not really. If you’re a Luxembourgian national, that’s basically where you want to end up, because they do pay well.

Now state jobs are hard to get by. There basically are two types: the type where you do a state exam, pass that and then you’re are on the track to become a sworn-in state servant. Alas, for me, that way is next to unachievable, because it involves written tests in several languages. One is German, and I’m totally self-taught. I couldn’t write a sentence without a spell checker and then it will be full of grammar mistakes.
The other way is the “state employee”. For all intents and purposes, this is used to fill positions where they can’t find anyone who has passed above mentioned exam. Basically, anyone can apply if you fit certain criteria that make you fit for the position. The downside is, that it’s often used to “internalize” external consultants, making the job postings a formality. You’ll get called for an interview, but you won’t get the job regardless. At least, that’s what the rumors say…

Apparently, the rumors aren’t entirely true, because I applied to an A2 career for an IT guy at the Centre National de Littérature. The A2 “only” requires a bachelors degree. A1 requires a masters degree. I went for an interview the 17th of November, I had a job offer on the table the 2nd December.

So, I’m leaving the glamorous world of porn, for the quite less glamorous world of digital archiving. Literature, no less. I’m not all that certain what exactly my role will be, but I know it won’t be much system and network engineering any more. It’s back to programming and from what I understood, mainly database design. Fine, I can do that. Open source seems to be desired, but I doubt I’ll be able to use Linux on the desktop. I’ll be quite dependent on the CTIE, from what I understood.

If all goes well, I’ll be getting pretty much a 20% pay increase. I might not, because it depends on the state acknowledging my 15+ years of work experience. It’s obviously a gamble. There is something else that that’s talking for this job. It’s in Mersch and not in Luxembourg city. Mersch happens to be about 10km from where I live… Not walking distance, but I doubt the engine of the TT will become warm.

I do realize that working for a porn company probably fit my personality better, but is there any nerd out there that could say no to books?

Seven to ten to seven

Seven to ten to seven

“Seven to ten to seven”

As you undoubtedly know, for now my recommendation about Windows 10 is: Stay put when you’re on 7, upgrade when you’re on 8/8.1. If you disagree, that’s fine: do what works for you. Of course, there is an “if”, namely, you’d better upgrade to 10 in order to secure the 10 upgrade for free before the promotion ends. As such, I’ve been a busy bee, taking Windows 7 machines, making an image of their disk, then upgrade and the revert to the 7 image.
Technically, you can upgrade to 10, ensure your machine is activated and then click the “revert to 7” button in the “Upgrade” section somewhere. You have 30 days to do this. Now, personally, I prefer the “image-upgrade-restore” process because you do not know what Microsoft does when you click the rollback button. Is your machine hash flagged? Well, you get to say what you think of 10, but there is most likely not a human soul that will ever see these complaints.

Being more the Unix guy, I automated my work as far as possible. The automation consists of three parts: an imaging script and two windows scripts (reg and cmd). The first script is actually rather old and was originally written for other purposes: image newly bought PCs. It uses parted, so I assume that it should work on GPT partition layouts, but I have never tested this.

Now, to be entirely honest, you’re not going to manage to do the imagining without a little crash course on devices and the Linux command line. (Only tested on Ubuntu 14.04 LiveUSB. Dependencies are: ntfsclone, dd, dmidecode, hdparam and probably another few)
Basically, you’ll run it as following: sudo ./generate-image.sh /dev/sda
However, this assumes a few things: your working directory has my script, that in this working directory you have enough space to store the generated images and that the disk you want to image is /dev/sda (which it most likely will be, but I cannot say for sure). You also need to be sure that no partition of /dev/sda is not mounted. (Hey, now that’s something I could add to my script…)
When you run that script, it will create a directory based on your machines information, and will attempt to image the mbr (full and without partition table), and all partitions. For vfat it reverts to dd, for ntfs it reverts to ntfsclone and it generates a restore.sh script for your convenience for easy restoration. I’d say: cool, but you may think otherwise.

Nevertheless, I have decided to publish it here for the nerdier guys.

So, then you upgrade to 10, wait until it’s activated and that’s the last you’ll see from Windows 10.

Now, you boot back to your LiveUSB, go to the image directory the script created and run sudo ./restore and it will restore everything magically. If you want to use the backed up partition table, give any parameter (it’s a bit dumb, yes…).

When it’s all done… Reboot. You’re back to your Windows 7 machine as if nothing ever happened.

Now for the part any Windows user can do. The two scripts in the privacy.zip, are privacy.cmd and privacy.reg. The reg file you can just double-click, and it will essentially mark your machine as being “not interested in Windows 10, don’t bother me any more”. It disables GWX (the Windows 10 notification icon), disables the upgrade function, disables reservation and disables the fact that recommended updates are treated like important updates. This is important, because Microsoft used the “recommended” channels to push these -let’s just say “annoying”- patches to your computer.

The privacy.cmd script does something entirely different. If you haven’t been living under a rock the last months, you know that Microsoft pushed patches that adds a tracking services to your pristine Windows 7 installation. Now the script starts off with stopping that service, and then disabling it. I do this, because the uninstallation of the offending patches might fail for some reason. At least, then you’re sure the service is off. After it has done this, the script tries to uninstall the patches related to the Windows 10 upgrade and the tracking service.
Be advised, in order for the privacy.cmd script to work you need to run it as Administrator. Right click on it, then select “Run as Administrator”. It might take a while.
Congratulations, the nagging for the upgrade should stop, until Microsoft decides to push it as an important upgrade. After a reboot, you may want to manually mark these patches as hidden. Perhaps I should try to figure out, whether you can do that with a registry patch too.

Upgrade to Windows 10 or not?

Pit Wenkin asked me regarding my thoughts about upgrading to Windows 10 or not.  It ended up being a rather large post, so I decided to write it down as a blog post:

What do I recommend?  You’re asking this a Linux user.

For starters:
– If you are a Windows 8 user, do upgrade… Now… It is better than Windows 8.
– If you are a Windows 7 user, you are between a rock and a hard place.  Windows 10 is not better than 7, at least not in my eyes.  Windows 7 is end of life in January 2020 (Source: microsoft.com), which means security patches should come in until then.  However, your “Free” upgrade is only valid one year.  You have to upgrade NOW, or you are losing money.
– The reviews of 10 are generally positive, but… the arguments are always the same: it’s a Windows 8 underpinning (which, allegedly has a bit more “under the hood improvements”) with a more 7 like interface.  It’s still the ugly flat interface, though.  It always stops with “Hey, it’s free, you should take it”.  I personally find that one of the worst arguments for an upgrade.

Knowing this, you have to balance out the following:

  1. Will Microsoft keep their promise regarding EOL status of 7?  If we can see back in history, we know they won’t.  Both NT 4.0 and Windows 2000 didn’t get important security updates before their EOL because “it was too much work for the short time”.  The answer Microsoft could give is: Hey, Win10 is free, upgrade to that.  It would be a arsehole move, I admit, but look deep into your heart:  How much do you actually trust Microsoft?
  2. How long are you going to keep your device?  If you’ve got a machine and think you’re going to replace it anyway before 01/2020, you have no reason to upgrade (ignoring point 1).  Just keep on shrugging happily with Windows 7, and your new machine will be 10 anyway (or a Mac, please buy a Mac or ask me to install Linux!)
  3. Given point 2.  Keep in mind that machines have longer lifespans these days.  Even if you get a new machine every three years or so, it’s most likely going to have a life after your usage.  Which means, it’ll better have Windows 10.  It increases it’s “value” in the sense that it will get continued patches once it’s in someone else’s hands.  Now, you might not care and that’s fine.  I am just pointing it out.
  4. How much time do you have spare?  It’s quite simple.  If you do the upgrade now, and the immediately roll back (Yes! You can do that!), your machine is registered as being upgraded.  The main issue here is that we do not know how much the hash Microsoft has about your machine, will change on diverse hardware upgrades?  Does a disk change modify the hash?  Does a RAM upgrade do?  We only know for certain a motherboard swap does.

This brings us to my plan for my family & friends machines, and the one I did on my Ultrabook1.  I will take their machines, one by one, and upgrade it to 10, then revert back to 7.  That way, in 2020, they can go to 10 (because they have to), and keep on using 7 meanwhile.  Should anyone care to go to 10 voluntary, they will be able without paying.  At least, that’s the theory.  This will waste a lot of my time and a shitload of bandwidth, but it’s the best balance I found between point 1-4.
I am going to test what happens if I do a disk swap, instead of a dd clone (that takes so long).  If I can get a machine to upgrade with HDD A, and then use another HDD B to do an install from scratch and it activates fine, I don’t need to do the upgrade on the actual installation (aka, the one people use) and it’s only downtime for the users.

1 My Ultrabook came with Windows 8.  It never actually booted into 8, because I dumped Linux on it.  From day one.  Now, since I do care about the people “after me”, I did the following:  I made a dd clone of the disk, then I installed Windows 8, then I upgraded to Windows 10, then I restored the dd clone of the disk.  It took over three days (in the sense, I did one operation every evening and let it work overnight).  This is the roadplan, I have for Windows 7 machines.  Secure the upgrade, continue using the old and trusted.

Windows 10 upgrades – I’m becoming highly sceptical

If you’ve been following my progress on Facebook, I am getting very sceptical regarding the Windows 10 upgrade process.  The word in the street is that, if you have a legit installation, and do the upgrade from your Windows 7 installation, your key -printed on the famous sticker- is going to be “upgraded” to a 10 key.  (Ignoring Windows 8 for now, as the keys are in firmware)

Now, fate happened to give me a defective computer just before Windows 10 got released.  My sisters computers hard drive died and it required a full reinstall.  My sister has a System Builder version of Windows 7 Pro.  It is 100% legit, has never been installed on any other hardware and has basically only been installed once, a few years ago, when she bought the hardware.  Ideal situation.
Since I finished the 7 install, but didn’t have the time to go on with the installation, I decided to let it upgrade and, as such, make sure her key is both valid for 7 and 10.  Regardless of what you think about 10, we all know that a fresh start (complete reinstall) is always preferable.  So, I decided to download Windows 10 USB stick creation tool, and create a bootable Windows 10 USB installer. (On her computer, from the upgraded 10 version, no less!)  The word on the street is that, after a successful 10 upgrade, you could install from scratch.

So, I launch the installer and it asks me the key…  The key that -according to the word on the street- should have been upgraded during the, ehm, upgrade.  Not so… It didn’t take it.  I find this highly worrying.  If these key are not updated, future reinstalls will not work and sooner or later the “Install 7/8, the upgrade” will become paying.
I now tried “Skip” and reinstall it from scratch any way.  Perhaps network connectivity is missing or so, and that’s why it doesn’t work.  If not, I foresee huge problems in the future when re-installations of 10 are needed on initially upgraded machines.

If the “install first, then enter key and activate” scenario fails, I give up on Windows 10 for my family and they’ll have to live with 7.  Which, to be entirely honest, is still superior.

Update 2015-08-1@23:31CEST

It makes sense now.  What really happens is that you seem to get a new key.  It is not even a special key, everyone gets the same one.  What really seems to happen is that a hardware hash is sent to Microsoft to identify the machine associated with the OEM key (I have no retail keys to test).
So, every time the installer asked for a key, I skipped it, ending up on a desktop which was… activated!  So, yes, you can reinstall your machine freshly after you did an upgrade, it just is really, really, really dumb about it.  The user (me in occurrence) is left with the idea he has a bad key, but the importance of the key is gone.  At least not the key you have that you used for the upgrade.
Now, keep in mind this has a bitter after-taste.  Re-using OEM licenses, as was totally legal in the EU, suddenly became much harder, if not impossible  Also, if you decide to stay with 7, and upgrade your hardware in the next few years, and in 2020, you say… “Hey, I had this 10 license, I can do that upgrade for free, still”, your hash might have changed and you’ll be out of luck too.  Pray for static hardware if that’s the path you choose to go.

A little declaration of love

My beautiful wife, Nathalie

My beautiful wife, Nathalie

I know I’m not as attentive as I should be.

I know that, I often say the wrong things at the wrong moment, for the wrong reasons.

I know that, at a certain point in our lives, I failed to be there for you when you needed me most.

I know, it hasn’t always been easy, but we still seemed to find a way.

I know I make jokes about the woes of the married man, and play the repressed husband all the time.  It’s supposed to be a running joke, but you always take it so  seriously.

I also know, that despite the fact that we couldn’t be more different in pretty much every aspect, I wouldn’t want to miss you in my life.  So, just in case you forgot it: I love you.  Perhaps even more today, than ten years ago, when I became your husband at the Mairie in Mamer.

Happy tenth anniversary, my beautiful wife, Nathalie!

Three letter ccTLD domains

The Ring of ccTLDs #3

The Ring of ccTLDs #3 by Grey Hargreaves.
Creative commons license, found on Flickr.

My registrar of choice, Gandi, had its 15th anniversary this month. Apparently, I’ve been a customer for 15 years too. Has it been that long? Anyway, they gave away prizes and I’ve got codes for three free .xyz, one free .me, a .com at 50% and a .eu at 1€. To be entirely frank, I have no idea what to do with any of those codes1, but as you do when you get something for free, you tend to look what’s up for grabs. As the shortest, non-grandfathered, domain names you seem to be able to get are three letters long, I tried a few for .xyz and to my surprise I saw that the corresponding .lu was free.

That was a surprise. I’d have expected that most, if not all, three letter .lu domains would be taken. So I decided to investigate. A quick one-liner pounded the whois servers, and, well, I got banned quite quickly at my work IP address. I should have foreseen that. You might have seen a Facebook status about it, and someone suggested to first look whether there are DNS records2 and, then, and only then do the whois checks3. I decided to do exactly that and I ended up with 14291 three letter domains that have no valid DNS entries. That’s an amazingly a small amount. There are 26×26×26 = 17576 possibilites4, which means only 19% of all three letter .lu domain names have DNS entries.

Now, what? That’s way too much for bulk querying the whois servers and I had no desire to get my home IP blacklisted. My plan was to do one whois every 20 minutes, but that would make nearly 200 days. I decided to go manually over the list and pick the ones that caught my eye. I’m human, I get bored, so that’s probably why I selected more at the beginning of the alphabet. Anyway, I selected 87 domains for investigation and it turned out that 71 of those were not registered. Some examples (but really, just a few):

  • ado.lu : “ado” is French for teenager.
  • aes.lu : Advanced Encryption Standard. Neat to have as nerd.
  • asm.lu : Nobody in the demo scene got this? Seriously?
  • foo.lu, bar.lu, and baz.lu : Yes, you can still have the full metasyntactic-variable sequence. That “bar.lu” is isn’t taken, is simply amazing.
  • bbw.lu : I am so tempted to get this one.
  • bid.lu : For an auction site?
  • fac.lu : In French “la fac” is pretty much the colloquial equivalent of university.
  • fkk.lu : The Germans will understand.
  • gnu.lu : All hail Richard Stallmann!
  • jiz.lu : If you don’t know why, you need to have your perversion levels adjusted.
  • jts.lu : Ok, this one only means something to me. Online I get referred to as JTS. I don’t know when people started to do that, but I guess it’s because “jawtheshark” is too long.
  • nan.lu : Not a number. Another nerdy one.
  • pdp.lu : Neeeeerd! You should also take vms.lu, which is also available.
  • pie.lu : The cake is a lie, but the pie isn’t.
  • ocr.lu : Optical character recognition. I could see value in this if you’re in document management.
  • raw.lu : Calling the photography nerds… or for weird porn.
  • tit.lu : Again, I’m so tempted to take this one.
  • xen.lu : I should get this one, just for when I need to go freelance and want to offer virtualization services.
  • zzz.lu : Because I really got sleepy after going through so many domain names.

You can get the full list of the ones I verified as “not registerd”. (List without DNS entries) A .lu is free to register for everyone, worldwide and costs about 25€ per year.


Addenum
Apparently, while creating this post, I opened up the wrong list, namely the DNS verified one. My mistake. A few listed here are not free and haven’t been for a while. Those are foo.lu and bar.lu. No metasyntactic-variables for you. Sorry.


1I could add a few to my “free-for-friends” dynamic DNS. For now you can only get a subdomain of ipv4.lu.
2 Script used: for domain in `echo {a..z}{a..z}{a..z}`; do if [[ -n `host $domain.lu | grep NXDOMAIN` ]]; then echo $domain.lu; fi; done > threeletters.txt
3 Script used: for domain in `cat selected-domains.txt` ; do QUERY=`whois ${domain} | grep "% No such domain"` ; if [[ -n "${QUERY}" ]]; then echo ${domain} is free ; fi ; sleep 1200 ; done > available-threeletter.txt
4 Ignoring numbers, which would expand the search space a bit more.

Five years…

A filled Bofferding glass

A filled Bofferding glass by Thomas Heijting
Creative commons license, found on WikiMedia

I’m a bit late, but it’s still the 1st of March 2015 somewhere on this world at the time of this writing, so I’ll count it as “posted on the right day”. It’s a day I remember every year. Five years ago, I had my last hangover. I can of course never guarantee that there won’t ever be one again, but for now, I haven’t had a drink in 1826 days. If you write that number down, you realize that’s not that much.

It’s also nothing much to be proud of, because frankly, I’d trade in a heartbeat with all of you people, who can have two drinks and say “it’s enough for tonight” and manage to stick to it. I also don’t really think congratulations are in order, as one misstep, and I’m back there on the floor stark-drunk as I was the 28th February 2010. It’s not a nice thought, but I have to keep it in mind every day. Not that there is much craving, that has gone long ago.

What also is not the right thing to say is “I couldn’t do that”. It’s fake admiration. Either you can, but don’t want to (and thus you’re lying), or you cannot for real and then you are like me. Either way, it’s one of the things I don’t want to hear.

So, all of you who can drink, raise a glass on me and get a buzz. It’s all I ask.

What I think of Luxleaks

A picture of some Euro banknotes and various Euro coins.

A picture of some Euro banknotes and various Euro coins. by Avij
Creative commons license, found on Wikipedia

TL;DR: We had it coming.

Long version: Originally I wasn’t going to say much about it, but I keep getting tagged on social media regarding this. I can understand: How many Luxembourgers do you actually know except me? Unless you live here, probably not all that many. Believe me, if something happens in the Luxleaks affair, I’ll know: Our local press won’t shut up about it. So, this post presents my opinions and thoughts about the whole thing.

General observations:

  1. Nothing of this actually surprised any citizen of my country. Well, “nothing” isn’t entirely true, but I’ll get back to that. It is fact that Luxembourg has been providing means to multinationals and big and small corporations alike to alleviate their tax levels. That this was done using “mailbox companies” was also known.
  2. Officially, “mail box companies” are sternly frowned upon. The idea was that, attracting companies to Luxembourg, would create employment. Yes, a local a secretary and local manager is two jobs more than the zero jobs that mailbox company would provide. Apparently, this was only an official stance, and did not match the reality.
  3. The existence of the so called “tax rulings” was known, even though I doubt by the general public. I most certainly never heard of it in that form, but the accountants I talked to, said they knew. Anecdote, of course.

Taxes for citizens and small businesses:

  1. Let me make this clear: we citizens of Luxembourg do pay income taxes and a plethora of other taxes. Yes, is true that we have a rather low income tax compared to other countries. As someone who is rather well-off, I (actually we: income of spouses are cumulated) end up in the second-highest tax level. There is very little I can do about that, except a few minor incentives to save for retirement or a home. The latter being totally ridiculous, as the amounts required to buy any property are so high that those saving incentives are pretty much a drop on a hot plaque.
  2. Small businesses have a bit more leeway as businesses do have more options to do tax write-offs. Nevertheless, the small business like the one of my father in law, have to pay the official taxes. There is no special ruling for them. The bakery at the corner, the plumber, the florist, they all pay the 29% corporate tax.

With this out of the way, let me state this: I was convinced that having multinationals here in Luxembourg was a good thing. I naively assumed they would indeed create employment, and while Luxembourg isn’t cheap, the lesser tax rate -I repeat: 29%-, would be enough incentive to bring business here. I thought: this is good for the country, corporations help fund the rather nice living standard we have.

However, that is not what is happening. What is happening, is that multinationals don’t pay fair taxes. As a matter of fact, some multinational companies pay less tax than me and my spouse. Other multinationals pay taxes with which you can barely buy a mid-class family car.  That is what surprised me.  That is not good for my country. We stand here as the crooks that allowed a crime, with barely any rewards. Barely any employment creation, no significant taxes paid to our countries coffers and a huge scratch in our international image. With the best of will, I cannot see how any government official would call this “positive” for our country.

In all honesty, I can not fathom why nobody is on the streets and asking for the heads of the officials that let this go through.  I can’t understand why mobs aren’t storming the headquarters of big consulting companies and lynching the suits responsible for this.
Well, yes, I can: I wouldn’t do much in the first place.

As for Antoine Deltour, the person who is accused of leaking the documents.  I personally think we can thank him.  Thank him for making public with what abject methods consulting companies work, thank him for showing the lack of transparency the Luxembourgian tax system has and thank him for trying to make this world a bit more fair.
He’ll probably be the scapegoat for the whole thing.  He’ll pay a much larger price than the thinks, literally becoming unemployable.

We all are the losers in this game, except the big multinationals, consulting companies and their respective shareholders.

Of course, it’s all legal and our elected government allowed it. We dealt with the devil and lost. We had it coming.

Don’t blame them

On a Noose

On a Noose by Alex Proimos. Creative commons license, found on Flickr

The recent passing of Robin_Williams spurred all kinds of discussions regarding depression and suicide.  First of all, I am not an expert.  I’m no psychiatrist, or even someone who has a good “feel” on people.  I’m your run of the mill antisocial nerd.

I am not going to talk authoritatively on depression or suicide.  I can’t.  What I am going to talk about is what happens when you botch it up and fail at suicide.  Yes, people botch up suicides all the time.  There are basically three outcomes to suicide attempts:

  • Success!  That sounds harsh doesn’t it?  It leaves behind questions, and grieving relatives and friends.  The event is declared a tragedy, and a few discussion about depression and suicide pop up with those that are left behind.  For the person who commits suicide, the pain is over, at least if you take the rationalist approach.
  • Failed, but no lasting health damage.  This is your typical sleeping-pills overdose subject.  They get found in time, stomach is pumped empty, put under observation for days and then a few weeks or months psychiatry and meds.  While their problem has not been solved, and the psychological torment does go on, they can basically hide it.  Unless you know them well or you witnessed the event, nobody will ever know it happened.  The talking behind their backs is probably the worst part.
  • Failed, causing major bodily injury.  Choose the “major trauma” way out?  Hung yourself and broke your neck, and they could save you?  Stuck a knife in your heart to get over with it?  Jumped from a building after all that’s foolproof?
    Yeah, they’re alive.  They will, however, pay their whole remaining life with pain, surgery, and questions from anyone who notices the damage about “what happened”, which is basically “everyone” if the damage is big enough.  Sure, you can lie and tell it’s a car accident that caused it, or something like that.  Any deeper investigation will easily show that it’s a lie.  However, when people do find out what happened, the most common reaction to the pain and suffering is “it’s your own damned fault”.

It’s the last category I want to plead for.  People with such a botched suicide attempt get no understanding whatsoever from society.  It’s always “How could you be so stupid?” or “The pain is your own fault”.  Even people whom you trust, and eventually tell, can totally change their behaviour towards you.
I’m sure many people reading this will shake their head in disbelief and think “But, but, it is their own damned fault!”.  I’m sure, I would have thought the same when I was younger.  It isn’t.  People who do try to commit suicide had no choice: Their brain told them it was the only solution, that there was no other way.  It’s like when you’re so thirsty that, even if you know you shouldn’t drink salt water, you’re still going to do it.  Perhaps not the best comparison, but I can’t really describe it any better because I haven’t been there.

So, please, if you find out about someone who tried to kill themselves, don’t judge them.  You don’t have to pity them, but please, stop blaming them for what they tried.  Putting the blame on them is definitely not helping and they are not to blame in the first place.
How to act then?  Really, the “lie” of the “car accident” isn’t that bad.  Treat it as an accident, as something they could not influence.  That will make it easier for you and them.  At least, for me, that worked.