Monthly Archives: January 2015

Look at the picture … but don’t like it!

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Thumbs down by Kvarki1
Creative commons license, found on WikiMedia

There are things where I really don’t understand women. This post described one of these events.

My wife being a “divorce kid”, we ended up with one of these famous patchwork families where for some reason everything is complicated and grudges are carried deep within. The “easy” side is my father in law, who simply remarried and had a couple new kids with his new wife. These half-siblings are by definition much younger than my wife and they are nice and polite kids, rarely a problem with them.

Of course, my beloved mother in law did something different: he had a civil union with a man who has four kids of his own, about the our age (a few years younger, but what is five to ten years when you’re in you’re late thirties?) This man is rich, very rich. You can understand that his kids are a bit worried whether he did made the right choice. Even I am unsure whether he made the right choice, but I do hope he pays for her retirement or it will be me who pays ;-)

In my world, this would be no problem because I shun people. I rarely even see my own family and I love all of them dearly. Of course, her new husband is a family man and he insists his kids come to dinner every Thursday. Since we’re part of the family, that includes us. I don’t mind, they are all -at least superficially- friendly and as “just married in”, I’m even less “related” to the whole clusterfuck, so that I’m most likely seen as a “innocent bystander”.

Of course, you end up friending some of these children on Facebook. For my wife apparently all of then, I didn’t “collect” them all. So be it, they don’t need to be my friends on facebook and given it’s mostly the youngest of the kids, I can understand. You can’t be “friends” with someone over ten years older, that’s uncool. It’s Facebook, I mostly see it as a social game in the first place.

My wife has self-image problems. Not a few, but a bucketload. She analyses seemingly innocent conversation and/or events and interprets them as injustice done to her. I try to play it down, but sometimes she seems to be onto something. Apparently, on Facebook, none of his children ever liked any of her posts, ever. She liked theirs, so she says, but stopped doing so because they never liked her posts.  I didn’t check, I take her word for it. Never mind they never did like any of my posts, or rarely because I don’t keep track. Look, okay, that might indicate we’re not all that welcome in that family. It might also indicate they don’t use Facebook all that much. It might indicate they have unfollowed us from the get go, for whatever reason.
For some reason Facebook rarely even presents posts of them to me. Why this is, I don’t know and I don’t really care. Their settings, Facebooks algorithms determining I might not be interested? It’s all good, it’s just Facebook.

Now, before Christmas, one of the daughters got her baby. Today she posted a picture, apparently, because Facebook did not show it to me. I don’t care and I wouldn’t have known if this morning my wife tells me “$nameofmother posted a picture of $nameofnewborn”. So I go directly to her profile, see the picture and like the damned thing. That’s what I do when people are happy about something, even if I don’t particularly care. I’ll like your post/picture. You’re happy you have a new guitar? Like. You’re happy that you’ve lost your crappy job? Like. You’re happy you got a good picture of a train set? Like. You’ll never know whether I really like that event, because I like it because you’re happy. It’s that simple.

Not even two minutes later I get a “How dare you to like that picture? They never like anything I post.” I try to explain. Doesn’t work… “Now I have to like it too or I look like the bad one”. Fine, like it.
I unfollowed all of them. Every single one, even though I’m rather fond of some. One stupid little “courtesy like” click… This is not worth getting arguments over.

This networked world is bad for people with self-esteem issues.